The Empty Space Inside My Head [ Action / Voice ]

[universal_charm]

[ He woke up to an empty bed, which in and of itself wasn't unusual. Spock got up earlier than him most days, but there was something different about it today. The bed wasn't warm, wasn't the sort of muffled from being made up so as not to wake him. He sat up and stared at the empty space, because if he stared long enough that wrongness would go away, wouldn't it? Instinctively he reached out as Spock had taught him... and felt nothing. It was his own head, his own space, his own feelings and nothing of that quiet pressure in the back of his head. It was gone and he was alone in his head, and despite himself he felt his eyes burning  as he tried to keep staring and make it not true.

Eventually he noticed the PADD on the bedside, and he reached for it, turning it on and curling in on himself as he read it through misty eyes. He hadn't felt like this since Pike died, since he had lost someone so important in his life that it left a super nova inside his head, in the little universe he had constructed to show Spock when they meditated. This was why he didn't do relationships, why he didn't get close to anyone, why he knew it had to be a bad idea, and damn Spock for this and the Malnosso and all of it-!

Eventually he got himself out of bed, the immediate sadness giving way to anger - at everything, anyone. An anger he could use to keep himself moving like he had before. He dressed himself and went to the Battle Dome, claiming a room and locking it before he started up the sims. He knew, in the back of his mind, he knew that this wasn't going to make him feel better in the long run or make this not real or make him wake up from what had to be a long, terrible, cruel dream. It didn't matter though. He understood this - the lashing of fists, punching, kicking, kneeing, rolling and dodging. Understood the burn of his muscles and his lungs, the drip of sweat down his face and the sting of pain. He understood that, could function with that like he always had and let himself drift in the haze of reaction and anger. He drifted until it pulled him under and he collapsed, soaked in sweat and trembling, gasping for air. 

When he had enough of himself back he grabbed the stupid little journal and opened it, keying it to voice only. He didn't want people to actually see him like this. ]

[ Audio ]

[ There's several moments of panting - and not the pervy kind, the kind that said someone was bone tired, utterly exhausted, and possibly emotionally distressed - or scared. ]

Spock's gone home.

[ Another pause, while he debated what else to say, but what was there? The transmission ended. ]

[ /End Audio ]

[ He tossed the journal aside and pushed himself back to his feet, wobbling for a minute and then shook his head and keyed up the sim again. What he wouldn't give to have a serial murderer super soldier to go after this time. ]  

Comments

[voice]

[ofwesternwinds]

He's gone...

[It isn't even a question - more like a sad acknowledgement at this point. Rudy didn't know Spock nearly as well, but he knew well enough to be aware Kirk and him were rather close. Even from a short post like that - Rudy is very aware enough to tell the kind of surging emotions that were rushing through his friend's being. Kirk didn't need to say anything else, as far as Rudy was concerned - He's sure whatever he was feeling, it wasn't pleasant.]

I'm sorry. Is there anything you need?

Re: [voice]

[universal_charm]

_{[ It took a bit for him to answer, though the panting would have to keep Rudy company while he waited. ]}

I need to keep hitting something.

[voice]

[ofwesternwinds]

[Fortunately for Kirk, Rudy had a lot of patience when it came to handling situations like these.]

That... just makes it hurt worse. [It's honestly meant to be a quiet mumble to himself, clearly speaking from experience. ... Nevermind that.] You need any company?

Re: [voice]

[universal_charm]

Really? Because I'm feeling great right about now.

You sure you want to be around me?

_{[ Because let's be honest, Rudy, he wasn't going to be the bright, cheerful guy you're used to. He's hurting right now, and nice doesn't happen when he's hurting. ]}

[Voice]

[snapturtle]

[This really wasn't he news she wanted to wake up to. Spock had gone home? She wanted to ask if he was sure, but she stopped herself. He would know for sure.

There's a sense of loss, as she'll possibly never get to speak to him again. She's from her universe's past and an alternate timeline to boot.]

I'm sorry, Jim.

[She doesn't really know what else to say. B'Elanna isn't the best at comforting people.]

Harry and I are going on a mission for a few days. You'll have the house to yourself.

[So maybe some time alone will do him some good?]

Re: [Voice]

[universal_charm]

Forgive me if I don't jump for joy.

_{[ Sorry, B. He's not in the mood to be overly nice, his anger directing his words. It was so much easier to be angry at everyone than accept their sympathy. ]}

[Voice]

[snapturtle]

[It's all right, she understands anger all too well. It's part of why she's going on this mission with Harry.]

I'm not expecting you to. Do whatever you need to while we're gone.

[Voice]

[complicatedliar]

Tea, I think. You can read me a book.

Re: [Voice]

[universal_charm]

Are we at some sort of fighting part? I think I'll burn it if it's more walking across some green hill.

_{[ He sounds exhausted beyond belief, tired in body and soul, but he forced himself to respond normally. He had to, and at least the anger helped him do that. ]}

Re: [Voice]

[complicatedliar]

I'm beyond the villain Martin now. I've done with him and his nonsense. He shall have no hold over me.

[And he hasn't finished writing the series. GRRM is a monster, if you ask Loki's opinion.]

Your choice. I've more World of Discs books, or I Thor found me one about the Vorkosigans and I am... curious. [Gregor had mentioned those names. So he wonders. He wonders.]

Written

[stopmjolnirtime]

...Do you wish space or company?

Re: Written

[universal_charm]

Does it really matter? I didn't say it to get sympathy, just telling you all want happened.

_{[ The words are bitter as bile on his tongue, aimed at no one, just another outlet for the emotions roiling inside of him. There's the scrape of his boot as he got up, the grunting of a man pushing himself to far and without enough sense to stop when his body had taken damage. ]}

Written

[stopmjolnirtime]

A sparring partner, then.

[ On the one hand he and Kirk are somewhat nebulous in their friendship at best- there is respect that burns both ways but after the past week? He is not certain his is the face Jim needs to see.

Yet the memory of a willingness to burn down the world to make him happy lingers still. Thor opts to go. The worst that would happen is that he would be turned away. ]

Voice

[antivanleather]

Wine, Beer, or Brandy. Or Bourbon. Name your poison, my friend, and I shall provide it.

Re: Voice

[universal_charm]

_{[ Why was everyone trying to be sympathetic? He didn't need sympathy! He didn't want it! He wanted... he wanted to go home and be with Spock, but his home was empty now. His home here anyways.}

His eyes stung with fresh tears, and he wiped at them angrily. ]

I dunno, surprise me. But I like bourbon.

Voice > Action

[antivanleather]

Bourbon it is. I will meet you shortly.

[ Finding him didn't take long. Zev arrives quietly, eyes somber, bottle of bourbon and glasses in hand. It is never easy to lose someone you care for quite so dearly. He's not certain what help he might be, but he wishes to lend his aid all the same. ]

voice;

[neversurrender]

I'm coming over. What's your alcohol of choice?

Re: voice;

[universal_charm]

_{[ Why did everyone want to come over? What? Did they think he was doing to talk about stuff? ]}

Bourbon. The good stuff.

voice;

[neversurrender]

You got it.

[Steve is just repaying a favor to Kirk for all the times I didn't want to leave his apartment and the man either dropped by or found some convenient excuse to make him go outside.

At least he's nice enough to bring booze.

He shows up at Kirk's door within twenty minutes, a bottle of Bourbon tucked under his arm.]

[Voice]

[knightofratatosk]

[That tone to Kirk's voice makes something inside Emil hurt, partly out of sympathy and partly because he hates seeing people he cares about suffer. In a situation like this, there really isn't anything he can do besides offer condolences and support, and that sense of helplessness just makes him feel even worse.]

... I'm sorry. Do... do you want me to come over?

Re: [Voice]

[universal_charm]

You can if you want. Can't say I'll be very nice.

_{[ He was only being honest, being a "man" and not wanting to admit how much he was hurting and could frankly use a hug. ]}

[Voice]

[knightofratatosk]

I don't have to if you would rather be alone. I just thought I'd offer in case you wanted some company.

[He understands that too-- sometimes you just need to shut yourself off from the world for a little while to regain your equilibrium.]

I GUESS I'D BETTER GET THIS IN SINCE LUCETI IS CLOSING

[lostinmyway]

[...Oh.

Grune sits very still at her desk in her room. Spock is very, very dear to her--she's going to miss him until he comes back to Luceti. It'll be a little hard to wait, but that's all right. Spock can take as much time as he needs.

But...it doesn't sound as though James is going to be okay with waiting. Not without someone to help him.]

James? Would you like me to come see you?

Re: I GUESS I'D BETTER GET THIS IN SINCE LUCETI IS CLOSING

[universal_charm]

Do what you want. Don't blame me if I'm not very good company.

[lostinmyway]

That's all right. I don't mind at all.

Why don't I bring something to eat? [Because she doesn't think he'd back to cook very much right now.]