universal_charm | The Empty Space Inside My Head [ Action / Voice ]

[ He woke up to an empty bed, which in and of itself wasn't unusual. Spock got up earlier than him most days, but there was something different about it today. The bed wasn't warm, wasn't the sort of muffled from being made up so as not to wake him. He sat up and stared at the empty space, because if he stared long enough that wrongness would go away, wouldn't it? Instinctively he reached out as Spock had taught him... and felt nothing. It was his own head, his own space, his own feelings and nothing of that quiet pressure in the back of his head. It was gone and he was alone in his head, and despite himself he felt his eyes burning as he tried to keep staring and make it not true.

Eventually he noticed the PADD on the bedside, and he reached for it, turning it on and curling in on himself as he read it through misty eyes. He hadn't felt like this since Pike died, since he had lost someone so important in his life that it left a super nova inside his head, in the little universe he had constructed to show Spock when they meditated. This was why he didn't do relationships, why he didn't get close to anyone, why he knew it had to be a bad idea, and damn Spock for this and the Malnosso and all of it-!

Eventually he got himself out of bed, the immediate sadness giving way to anger - at everything, anyone. An anger he could use to keep himself moving like he had before. He dressed himself and went to the Battle Dome, claiming a room and locking it before he started up the sims. He knew, in the back of his mind, he knew that this wasn't going to make him feel better in the long run or make this not real or make him wake up from what had to be a long, terrible, cruel dream. It didn't matter though. He understood this - the lashing of fists, punching, kicking, kneeing, rolling and dodging. Understood the burn of his muscles and his lungs, the drip of sweat down his face and the sting of pain. He understood that, could function with that like he always had and let himself drift in the haze of reaction and anger. He drifted until it pulled him under and he collapsed, soaked in sweat and trembling, gasping for air.

When he had enough of himself back he grabbed the stupid little journal and opened it, keying it to voice only. He didn't want people to actually see him like this. ]

[ Audio ]

[ There's several moments of panting - and not the pervy kind, the kind that said someone was bone tired, utterly exhausted, and possibly emotionally distressed - or scared. ]

Spock's gone home.

[ Another pause, while he debated what else to say, but what was there? The transmission ended. ]

[ /End Audio ]

[ He tossed the journal aside and pushed himself back to his feet, wobbling for a minute and then shook his head and keyed up the sim again. What he wouldn't give to have a serial murderer super soldier to go after this time. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

_{[ Maybe it would be good, maybe it wouldn't. Like Thor the feelings still lingered, and they at once made him heart ache and yet brought a mild sense of relief. It made him feel a bit less alone, and he wondered if that was terrible after just finding out Spock was gone.

He didn't respond to Thor, but he got up and grunted as he went after the sims again, his knuckles already feeling a bit raw. He'd need to wrap them soon...

At the least he remembered somewhere along the way to remove the lock on the door so people could come in. ]}

[ No ressponse doesn't stop him from seeking kirk out. He's quiet- he can't help but be silent as he watches him strain to exhaust himself. Possibly trying to quiet his own mind?

At the first available moment he steps in to rest a hand on his shoulder. He can't announce himself in any other way. ]

_{[ He doesn't have the strength to jump when he feels the hand on his shoulder, though he thought he had sensed someone else there. He sagged against the heavy weight of Thor's hand, doing his best to forget how those hands had been touching him not a week or so before.

He gasped for air, soaked in sweat, his muscles spasming. ]}

Not going to be much good for sparring.

Perhaps it is better that you take a moment to rest. Overtaxing yourself does nothing but borrow pain.

[ He allows himself a quick squeeze of Jim's shoulder- but little more. THey aren't as they were. They are friends, comrades of a sort. Not lovers. Though it does not disturb him so as it once had when he'd fallen in with Steven so keenly. ]

_{[ He frowned, cocking his head some and shook his head. ]}

Your voice is still out, huh? Sucks.

_{[ He remembered the device he had made for Thor in the other world,
his heart beating painfully for a moment. God, when would that fade? These
things from those shifts hung around way to long. ]}

And borrowed pain is better than how I felt this morning, so I guess I'll keep digging myself into debt.

Till the penalty is revoked.

[ How much longer that may take, he cannot recall. But it is most...unsettling to remember how Jim had found him a workaround. How much he had cared.

is that why he has come to his aid, or is it brotherhood? He cannot tell. ]

He may yet return. My Jane has, twice.

Maybe, but... I don't know. I can't sit around and hope for it.

_{[ He shrugged, even though what he most wanted to do was lean against
Thor, press his face against the other's chest. He remembered he had done
it in that other world, when they were more than friends. He knew he
shouldn't, but he turned and did it anyways - because who cared right now?
It made him feel better, damn it. ]}

Not sure if I even want him to, you know? It means he's stuck here again...

[ There was a moment of stillness where Thor wasn't certain if this was appropriate. But if Jim has no issue with it, and this is a comfort offered one's friend...He tucks his arm around Jim's shoulders and holds him close. All is not well, all shall not be well for some time. But all is not lost. ]

It does make life more difficult, being here with none from home. Know that you have my brother and myself as your friends should you ever have need of us.

Damn, what is with you two and the long sentences? Just say you're there for me or something.

_{[ But he was just acting out, looking at something to be angry at
because the people he really wanted to be angry at he couldn't do anything
about. So he wrapped his arms around the other and hid his face against his
chest and let his shoulders shake as he let the anger give way to tears. He
didn't think he could have done this before, but their romantic ties still
fresh in his memories loosened something, and he released. ]}

We shall be here for you.

[ Thor brings his other arm around Jim and tugs him that much closer, combing his fingers through his hair as they weather the storm of Jim's grief. Tis no easy thing, the loss of a loved one. There is little else he might do other than hold him. ]

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