James returned the touch, tracing down the length of Jim's fingers, finally weaving them through his own. His gaze was warm and uncharacteristically soft when he glanced back to Jim's face, a small smile on his lips.
"There's no harm, love," he murmured, holding him closer. "Gonna miss you when you leave, Jim."
Heat flooded him at the pet name, meaning so much more now that those rings sat between their fingers, secretly aligned if you knew how to look. It made his heart flutter, and his cheeks warm, leaning in to take another kiss before pausing and leaning back, brow furrowed.
"When I leave?" he repeated. "You're saying that like you don't expect to get out of here."
Jim's surprise seemed so out of place, for a moment. Admittedly, James rarely ever spoke about this, but he figured Jim would've put two and two together on this much. With the world he came from, going back would be suicide, and he'd rather be stuck here. Honestly the place was almost tame in comparison to his own universe.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm exactly where I belong," he said, though the tone wasn't satisfied so much as resigned. Some people really deserved being here, and he honestly counted himself among them.
He hadn't thought to much on it, to be honest. He had just always assumed they would find a way out, a way home. When that time came, he would have a talk with James about whether or not he went back to his world. As much as it would break his heart, he knew he didn't want James to go back to his world. He wanted so much more for James, knew he could be so much more if he was somewhere where talents besides murder were encouraged and celebrated.
"If you don't want to go back to your world, you can come back with me - to mine," Jim insisted, tilting his chin so James had to look at him. "I actually - I was actually going to ask you to come back with me, to my world, when we had a more concrete way of going home."
James let out a short sound, somewhere between a snort and a chuckle. He looked away briefly as he shook his head. He was still holding onto Jim but the moment didn't seem to be quite so tender anymore, even if Jim's offer was surprising and immense. For the flicker of a second, he wished he could take it.
"Then what? I'll just live the rest of my life locked away in some cell? I know how your universe feels about... us. And you know they'd never let me go free."
"I would figure something out, James. I wouldn't let them do that to you, you know I wouldn't," he insisted, his hand keeping hold of James' cheek, making him continue to look at him, to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I can't say how, but James you know that I only want the best for you, and I have more than enough favors I can call in to make sure you never see the inside of a cell. You might have to give up a knife or two, but - compromise."
He licked his lips, brushing his thumb over James' cheek.
"James, I can't just leave you here. I won't do that."
James still struggled against the hold, trying to look away. Part of him just wanted to get up and leave right now, but he couldn't bear the thought of another argument. It was already bothering him enough that he was upsetting Jim this much, and he regretted bringing up the topic to begin with.
"It doesn't work like that, Jim. Life doesn't work like that. You might stall it for a while, but you'd only be delaying the inevitable. At best I might be able to make a run for it, but I could never see you again, and..."
He let out a shuddered sigh, shrugging. "Honestly, what's the point of going there if I couldn't be with you?"
"You can't be with me if you stay here either," he pointed out, swallowing thickly, on the verge of frustrated tears. And it took a lot to move him to that, which only showed how much he cared about James, how much of his heart the man really held. "And yeah, I know taking you back with me is going to be difficult, but I'm willing to fight that fight." He let out a wet laugh.
"And James, you know me. You know James Tiberius Kirk. When he fights for something, especially something or someone he believes in, he tends to get his way. Do you really think anyone could stop us if we fought together?"
"Yes, but here I won't ruin your life. Here, I won't be getting in anyone's way," he said, reaching up to wipe Jim's tears away.
"You can't do that, Jim. I can't let you do that. You'll ruin your whole career for my sake, and in the end it might all still add up to nothing. Yes, I know you, and I know you'll do the reckless thing if you think it's the right one, no matter the cost. To you, to your career, to your life. And I love you, Jim. I do genuinely love you, and I can't let you do that. All I want is for you to be happy, and safe. And that's back home, not here."
"But it can't be happy without you!" he protested. He knew was James was saying was true was a possibility. It was true that things might not go his way, no matter how hard he battled. He knew the sting of loss, but he just didn't want to believe in that possibility with James right in front of him, with any possibility that he wouldn't have to leave James someday.
"James I want those same things for you. I mean it every time I say I love you, I do. I can't imagine being without you. I can't imagine leaving you behind here to suffer or to go back to your own world and get a knife in your back," he continued. "I want you happy, and safe, and I hope with me."
It made his heart twist in his chest to hear those words. All he ever wanted, all he ever hoped for, was that Jim needed James as much as James needed him, and with those simple words he knew that was the case. But it was so bittersweet, when they were talking about the possibility of separating forever. A possibility that Jim seemed completely unwilling to accept.
"Jim," he said, but his voice trembled, betraying the emotion behind it. He shuddered and closed his eyes, leaning into Jim's space, wrapping both arms around him and holding him as close as he possibly could.
"I love you, James," he said, opening his arms to let James come into him, wrapping his own arms around him in turn, holding just as tight, like he was afraid that he would turn into particles of atoms and light and slip through his fingers. He held back the choked sound building in his throat, pressing his face into James to hide the wet slide of tears down his cheeks.
He could still feel Jim's body shaking in his arms, and he knew he was crying. He just held him tighter because of it, as if to make sure that Jim wouldn't just slip away from him right then and there, and to reassure him that James wasn't going anywhere anytime soon either.
"Please," he whispered, his own voice trembling. There were tears in his eyes and he hated the sensation, so strange and foreign to him. "I don't want you feeling like this. Don't cry, don't be sad..."
"What about you?" he asked, pulling back to look at him, brushing his thumb close to his eye, seeing the glimmer there which one tugged at his heart all the more.
"I don't want you feeling like this either, feeling like you have no future. James there is so much more in you, I know there is. And no matter what you think, you don't deserve to be here all your life. You deserve to have to put up with me for the rest of your life."
He let out a shaky laugh, touching their foreheads, leaning in to brush their lips.
James let out a laugh too, nervous and shaken. Oh, if Jim only knew all the things he'd done in the name of the Terran Empire, then he wouldn't be so inclined to say that he didn't deserve being here, and whatever was done to him while he was here.
It felt too good hearing those words for him to want to ruin them. He let out a shuddered sigh, nodding slowly, brushing his own thumb across Jim's wet cheek, leaning in to kiss him sweetly.
"Then I guess I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life," he said. Whether or not he was sure that he could go back with Jim to his world, or that he would even if he could, it wasn't entirely certain. But he was sure that Jim would be too stubborn to budge on his view, and James didn't want to upset him any more than he'd had already. Best to let it drop for the time being.
James knew him so well, didn't he? He knew better than to argue, because Jim had no intention of ever giving up on James, no matter what James might feel or believe about himself. It wasn't in his nature, and he loved James to much to ever leave him behind to suffer if he could help it. And like he said before, James Tiberius Kirk usually got his way - even against himself.
"Damn right you are," he smiled around wet cheeks, moving to straddle James' lap, cupping his face as he kissed him like he was trying to steal James' last breath.
James could feel Jim's presence, his scent, all around him and within him, the weight of him so present on his lap, and he let out a shuddered breath. It was much easier to accept this wonderful, perfect future where he got to be with Jim in his world, free and not hunted down or locked away like some monster, when he had Jim this close, touching him and kissing him so passionately.
He hummed into the kiss, muffled and breathless, lips parting and hands smoothing up from Jim's thighs to his torso, curling so tightly around him as he pulled him closer still, until they were pressed flush against each other.
"There's my James..." he murmured, smiling against his lips, fingers lacing behind his neck as he let himself be brought closer to James. He kissed him again, softer, a nip, then fiercely again. He wanted to melt into the other man, content and happy to have their bodies together, to be held by him and know he was safe and secure. A rare thing in this world, but he had it here with James.
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universal_charm) wrote2024-05-07 12:10 am
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"There's no harm, love," he murmured, holding him closer. "Gonna miss you when you leave, Jim."
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"When I leave?" he repeated. "You're saying that like you don't expect to get out of here."
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"I'm not going anywhere. I'm exactly where I belong," he said, though the tone wasn't satisfied so much as resigned. Some people really deserved being here, and he honestly counted himself among them.
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"If you don't want to go back to your world, you can come back with me - to mine," Jim insisted, tilting his chin so James had to look at him. "I actually - I was actually going to ask you to come back with me, to my world, when we had a more concrete way of going home."
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"Then what? I'll just live the rest of my life locked away in some cell? I know how your universe feels about... us. And you know they'd never let me go free."
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He licked his lips, brushing his thumb over James' cheek.
"James, I can't just leave you here. I won't do that."
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"It doesn't work like that, Jim. Life doesn't work like that. You might stall it for a while, but you'd only be delaying the inevitable. At best I might be able to make a run for it, but I could never see you again, and..."
He let out a shuddered sigh, shrugging. "Honestly, what's the point of going there if I couldn't be with you?"
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"And James, you know me. You know James Tiberius Kirk. When he fights for something, especially something or someone he believes in, he tends to get his way. Do you really think anyone could stop us if we fought together?"
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"You can't do that, Jim. I can't let you do that. You'll ruin your whole career for my sake, and in the end it might all still add up to nothing. Yes, I know you, and I know you'll do the reckless thing if you think it's the right one, no matter the cost. To you, to your career, to your life. And I love you, Jim. I do genuinely love you, and I can't let you do that. All I want is for you to be happy, and safe. And that's back home, not here."
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"James I want those same things for you. I mean it every time I say I love you, I do. I can't imagine being without you. I can't imagine leaving you behind here to suffer or to go back to your own world and get a knife in your back," he continued. "I want you happy, and safe, and I hope with me."
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"Jim," he said, but his voice trembled, betraying the emotion behind it. He shuddered and closed his eyes, leaning into Jim's space, wrapping both arms around him and holding him as close as he possibly could.
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"Please," he whispered, his own voice trembling. There were tears in his eyes and he hated the sensation, so strange and foreign to him. "I don't want you feeling like this. Don't cry, don't be sad..."
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"I don't want you feeling like this either, feeling like you have no future. James there is so much more in you, I know there is. And no matter what you think, you don't deserve to be here all your life. You deserve to have to put up with me for the rest of your life."
He let out a shaky laugh, touching their foreheads, leaning in to brush their lips.
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It felt too good hearing those words for him to want to ruin them. He let out a shuddered sigh, nodding slowly, brushing his own thumb across Jim's wet cheek, leaning in to kiss him sweetly.
"Then I guess I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life," he said. Whether or not he was sure that he could go back with Jim to his world, or that he would even if he could, it wasn't entirely certain. But he was sure that Jim would be too stubborn to budge on his view, and James didn't want to upset him any more than he'd had already. Best to let it drop for the time being.
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"Damn right you are," he smiled around wet cheeks, moving to straddle James' lap, cupping his face as he kissed him like he was trying to steal James' last breath.
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He hummed into the kiss, muffled and breathless, lips parting and hands smoothing up from Jim's thighs to his torso, curling so tightly around him as he pulled him closer still, until they were pressed flush against each other.
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