[Fenris pauses, folding his arms, his foot keeps tapping on the floor, unsettled. ]
It is...rather complicated. There are years worth of animosity between us- and it has been made only more complicated in our lives here. Anders and I are not- we will likely never get along.
[He rubs the back of his head, knowing Kirk will need more than that, but at a loss of where to even start. ]
Honestly, I am still not sure if we can make this work. Here, on the Tourist.
[ He would admit he was also concerned, but he had to admit that
Anders played an important role here as a medic. He would not want him to
leave if he could help it, but he wouldn't want Fenris to leave either.
]
Why don't you start with what made you dislike him in the first place?
[ He leaned back against the wall on his bed, settling in for a tale.
]
[Fenris turns to look at him, almost incredulous. ]
Everything?
[No. Really. He rubs his forehead, trying to find a better way to word it. ]
I...am not sure how much you know of Thedas- but we come from very different countries. In mine, magic is used to control and oppress, it's why people like Danarius could get a foothold and do whatever they damn well pleased. It allows the slave trade to remain and give no way for those without magic for a chance to exist with any kind of freedom. It's a vile place, and magic has tainted it.
[There are slave mages, too, of course. But magic...magic is the cornerstone of everything there. ]
The South is different. They keep- kept their mages in check. Kept them in Circles, taught them to control their abilities and tried to prevent them harming others with the magic within them. A large WERE mistreated, and that is what Anders has stuck in his craw. He believes Tevinter is the better option, and he does not seem to care what that entails. He certainly doesn't think slavery is as awful as I have told him.
[Just as Fenris himself dismisses the suffering of Southern Mages. They are consistently unable to see things from the other's point of view. This is the crap every Hawke in every version of Thedas has to deal with. Sure you want to keep kicking that beehive, Kirk. ]
[ Kirk listened without comment, letting Fenris tell things at his
pace. He knew of Fenris' life through the dreams, and he could imagine that
it was not much better for many others in his situation. It made his
stomach turn, though he knew there was nothing he could do.
From the way Fenris described it, he could see how Anders might not
understand. From the tone, Kirk had the idea that mages weren't really
given a choice as to being "kept" or "taught". He was sure they had more
freedoms than outright slaves, but it was still a yoke all its own. ]
I can't imagine that's what started the kind of animosity you two have. You
could disagree and still be around each other without threatening each
other with bodily harm.
[ He hasn't outright agreed within Fenris, mind. He's still listening,
waiting for the right time to say something or else he feared he'd send
Fenris back into a rage. ]
[It was so much more complicated than that- Fenris struggled, truly to find the words to explain the animosity between them. It's not an easy explanation, he's not sure either him nor Anders could ever truly explain it fully. ]
I- it's more complicated, you asked where I started to dislike him and that was when. Funnily enough, I do not find it amusing when people make light of what I have been through.
...It is difficult to explain- you have to understand that this is nigh on a decade of animosity which has grown and festered. Things have happened back home which made them ever the more worse. It's just...deep and impossible to fix.
[That is one of the few constants in all the versions of Thedas. He and Anders NEVER got along, and never will. He exhales. ]
I will try to curb my temper with him in the future. Or at least remove myself from him when we inevitably cross paths again. If it gets to the point where it's unworkable...well, then we will have to seek other options.
[ Internally, Kirk sighed. He wished Fenris wasn't to Final about
things all the time, but that was just one of the hallmarks of his
character. He knew Fenris was quick to anger, but this had seemed so much
more and he had been right enough about that. He knew as well as anyone
that sometimes there was just no healing a rift, and Anders hadn't been
forthcoming on his side of things either. With neither willing to give an
inch, even he had to admit no resolution would be remotely plausible.
He sat back up and took another drink, letting the dust settle. ]
I don't know that it will come to that, though I admit that if in an
emergency situation it hinders us it will have to be addressed further.
I'm not going to ask you get along with him. I know what it's like to work
with someone you hate. But I do need to ask, as your captain, that you try
and be civil. If that means ignoring him and not engaging, so be it. I've
asked the same of him as well.
As your lover....
[ Here he paused for another sip, moving to the edge of the bed.
]
As your lover, I'm sorry that anyone made you feel like your experiences
weren't valid. But I also have to point out you might have done the same to
his.
[ He held up a hand to stall Fenris countering. ]
I can't say you did or not. I'm basing this on what you've told me, and I'm
not blaming or accusing you. And if I ever hear Anders say something out of
line, I'll be there for you.
If you ever want to talk about it - him, or the things that have happened -
I'll listen to you, okay? Any time.
[ He made a patting gesture on the bed, an invitation if Fenris
wanted. ]
I have no intention of letting it interfere with my duties.
[And that...was a very, very poor life decision of Kirk's. Not even a Hawke would point out the shared ignorance they have for one another's suffering. Or rather, they only ever did it the once. It never ended well. It was like sticking your hand into a hive of angry bees.]
No. You can't say if I did or not- you weren't there.
[It's snapped out, he might not have been truly angry at Kirk before, but now some of it is definitely turned his way. He is absolutely not sitting down.]
I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be left alone so I can deal with it without it being meddled with. It is what it is, and no amount of talking is going to fix that.
[ Kirk resisted the knee jerk reaction to snap back at Fenris. Clearly this subject was very touchy for him and he had crossed one of those unseen lines, had pushed just a little to hard when he should have pulled it back. He knew Fenris wasn't saying things to purposefully hurt him, just reacting defensively.
He ran a hand through his hair, watching him and taking the brunt of the verbal attack without flinching away from it. ]
All right, Fenris, all right. I didn't mean to pry, I was just trying to understand better.
[ And he left it at that. He watched him for another moment, debating his words. ]
Want to go grab a drink? Get off the ship for awhile?
[Fenris is at least placated by that- or as placated as he can be, given the subject matter. Honestly, the idea of stepping away from the ship sounds perfect. Just to get away and feel less trapped with Anders. ]
[ Well this was like going to pick a flower in a field of cacti, wasn't it? Though, eventually, he hoped they could actually talk about it somewhat. Just keeping it pent up wasn't going to help anything, as Kirk knew all to well. But he could also conceded that trying to force it now would ultimately hurt the issue.
So instead he rose and went to get his boots, cracking his back as he did. ]
Nami's or Crowleys?
[ He was hoping the later. Being the resident honey pot, he got free drinks and all. ]
[ He had thoughts on that, but now wasn't the time. Another fight
wouldn't serve any good and Fenris was still to round up to listen to him
anyways. To bad. Crowley gave him free drinks for being his honeytrap.
]
[ Kirk snorted, though he had a feeling that statement might be more
true than was actually laughable. Still, he opened the door and motioned
for Fenris to lead, still giving him as much physical space as the ship
allowed. As much as he wanted to touch him, to reassure him through
physical contact, he wasn't sure Fenris would appreciate it now as others
might. Being with him was a challenge that way, but not an off putting one.
]
Well, how about I pay and act as designated driver?
[Being with Fenris was like playing a game where you carried a bag of bombs, and occasionally needed to take one out- never knowing if that was the one that was going to explode in your face. A challenge indeed.
Still, Fenris appreciates the lack of contact for the time being. ]
[ Oh, he liked that tone. That tone meant he was back a bit further
from the explosion line, at least. He wasn't going to say he was safe, but
he was at least in less danger than before. Hopefully. ]
You know, I'm not sure I really know what you like to drink aside from
wine. The last time we really drank together I got, well, to drunk to
really remember what you had.
[ The hotel room. Propositioning Fenris. The beginning of it all,
really. ]
[ Yes, good! Now he just had to keep it up. Which was always a lot
harder than he thought when it came to Fenris. Things he didn't think would
set the other off did, for reasons he couldn't quite understand, but that
all came from getting to know someone he supposed. ]
A part of me had you pegged for a sherry sort of guy.
[ He gave him a smile then, glad that they were less tense for the
moment. He wasn't sure how drinking would help that, but hoped it would be
positive if they simply kept the conversation off subjects that would
trigger Fenris' 'pissed off' response. Thankfully, it didn't take long for
them to reach the Iskaulit and go to Nami's bar. Kirk let Fenris pick where
to sit as he got the wine and brought him a glass, sitting across from the
elf. ]
[Drinking tended to bring out the melancholy in the elf. Not great, but it was decidedly better than him being edgy and angry all the time. He smiles, taking a sip of the wine, sitting back in his chair. ]
I have. The South has a fondness for ale- I have never had much of a taste for it. I much prefer wine.
[He knows a big part of it is spite- having something he once was expected to pour for his betters. Something denied a slave. ]
What about scotch or bourbon? Or Vodka? Or a mixed drink? I think you would enjoy a rum and coke.
[ He sipped his own drink, watching his lover, so many questions still bubbling inside of him and not sure if he should ask them or how to ask them without making Fenris snap. He felt he was on a tightrope still, not yet safely to the other side. ]
[Because, as always, Fenris found something that worked and saw no need to stretch beyond that. Ever the creature of habit, clinging to what he knows he has tightly, lest he lose it. ]
No? Hmm, well, maybe one night we get to change that.
[ Not tonight though. He had a feeling he had pressed far enough with Fenris' patience in many regards, and he didn't want to erode what good will he currently had with him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
universal_charm) wrote2024-04-11 06:26 pm
no subject
It is...rather complicated. There are years worth of animosity between us- and it has been made only more complicated in our lives here. Anders and I are not- we will likely never get along.
[He rubs the back of his head, knowing Kirk will need more than that, but at a loss of where to even start. ]
Honestly, I am still not sure if we can make this work. Here, on the Tourist.
no subject
[ He would admit he was also concerned, but he had to admit that Anders played an important role here as a medic. He would not want him to leave if he could help it, but he wouldn't want Fenris to leave either. ]
Why don't you start with what made you dislike him in the first place?
[ He leaned back against the wall on his bed, settling in for a tale. ]
no subject
Everything?
[No. Really. He rubs his forehead, trying to find a better way to word it. ]
I...am not sure how much you know of Thedas- but we come from very different countries. In mine, magic is used to control and oppress, it's why people like Danarius could get a foothold and do whatever they damn well pleased. It allows the slave trade to remain and give no way for those without magic for a chance to exist with any kind of freedom. It's a vile place, and magic has tainted it.
[There are slave mages, too, of course. But magic...magic is the cornerstone of everything there. ]
The South is different. They keep- kept their mages in check. Kept them in Circles, taught them to control their abilities and tried to prevent them harming others with the magic within them. A large WERE mistreated, and that is what Anders has stuck in his craw. He believes Tevinter is the better option, and he does not seem to care what that entails. He certainly doesn't think slavery is as awful as I have told him.
[Just as Fenris himself dismisses the suffering of Southern Mages. They are consistently unable to see things from the other's point of view. This is the crap every Hawke in every version of Thedas has to deal with. Sure you want to keep kicking that beehive, Kirk. ]
no subject
[ Kirk listened without comment, letting Fenris tell things at his pace. He knew of Fenris' life through the dreams, and he could imagine that it was not much better for many others in his situation. It made his stomach turn, though he knew there was nothing he could do.
From the way Fenris described it, he could see how Anders might not understand. From the tone, Kirk had the idea that mages weren't really given a choice as to being "kept" or "taught". He was sure they had more freedoms than outright slaves, but it was still a yoke all its own. ]
I can't imagine that's what started the kind of animosity you two have. You could disagree and still be around each other without threatening each other with bodily harm.
[ He hasn't outright agreed within Fenris, mind. He's still listening, waiting for the right time to say something or else he feared he'd send Fenris back into a rage. ]
no subject
I- it's more complicated, you asked where I started to dislike him and that was when. Funnily enough, I do not find it amusing when people make light of what I have been through.
...It is difficult to explain- you have to understand that this is nigh on a decade of animosity which has grown and festered. Things have happened back home which made them ever the more worse. It's just...deep and impossible to fix.
[That is one of the few constants in all the versions of Thedas. He and Anders NEVER got along, and never will. He exhales. ]
I will try to curb my temper with him in the future. Or at least remove myself from him when we inevitably cross paths again. If it gets to the point where it's unworkable...well, then we will have to seek other options.
no subject
[ Internally, Kirk sighed. He wished Fenris wasn't to Final about things all the time, but that was just one of the hallmarks of his character. He knew Fenris was quick to anger, but this had seemed so much more and he had been right enough about that. He knew as well as anyone that sometimes there was just no healing a rift, and Anders hadn't been forthcoming on his side of things either. With neither willing to give an inch, even he had to admit no resolution would be remotely plausible.
He sat back up and took another drink, letting the dust settle. ]
I don't know that it will come to that, though I admit that if in an emergency situation it hinders us it will have to be addressed further.
I'm not going to ask you get along with him. I know what it's like to work with someone you hate. But I do need to ask, as your captain, that you try and be civil. If that means ignoring him and not engaging, so be it. I've asked the same of him as well.
As your lover....
[ Here he paused for another sip, moving to the edge of the bed. ]
As your lover, I'm sorry that anyone made you feel like your experiences weren't valid. But I also have to point out you might have done the same to his.
[ He held up a hand to stall Fenris countering. ]
I can't say you did or not. I'm basing this on what you've told me, and I'm not blaming or accusing you. And if I ever hear Anders say something out of line, I'll be there for you.
If you ever want to talk about it - him, or the things that have happened - I'll listen to you, okay? Any time.
[ He made a patting gesture on the bed, an invitation if Fenris wanted. ]
no subject
[And that...was a very, very poor life decision of Kirk's. Not even a Hawke would point out the shared ignorance they have for one another's suffering. Or rather, they only ever did it the once. It never ended well. It was like sticking your hand into a hive of angry bees.]
No. You can't say if I did or not- you weren't there.
[It's snapped out, he might not have been truly angry at Kirk before, but now some of it is definitely turned his way. He is absolutely not sitting down.]
I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be left alone so I can deal with it without it being meddled with. It is what it is, and no amount of talking is going to fix that.
no subject
He ran a hand through his hair, watching him and taking the brunt of the verbal attack without flinching away from it. ]
All right, Fenris, all right. I didn't mean to pry, I was just trying to understand better.
[ And he left it at that. He watched him for another moment, debating his words. ]
Want to go grab a drink? Get off the ship for awhile?
no subject
I... yes. I would like that very much.
no subject
So instead he rose and went to get his boots, cracking his back as he did. ]
Nami's or Crowleys?
[ He was hoping the later. Being the resident honey pot, he got free drinks and all. ]
no subject
Nami's. I have no desire to be anywhere near the demon.
no subject
[ He had thoughts on that, but now wasn't the time. Another fight wouldn't serve any good and Fenris was still to round up to listen to him anyways. To bad. Crowley gave him free drinks for being his honeytrap. ]
Naomi's it is. My treat too.
[ He flashed a smile, hoping that would help. ]
no subject
I should think so, too. I wouldn't want to use all my wages there.
[He'll even smile back. Kind of. ]
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[ Kirk snorted, though he had a feeling that statement might be more true than was actually laughable. Still, he opened the door and motioned for Fenris to lead, still giving him as much physical space as the ship allowed. As much as he wanted to touch him, to reassure him through physical contact, he wasn't sure Fenris would appreciate it now as others might. Being with him was a challenge that way, but not an off putting one. ]
Well, how about I pay and act as designated driver?
no subject
Still, Fenris appreciates the lack of contact for the time being. ]
Very generous of you, Captain.
[At least he's still using that tone. ]
no subject
[ Oh, he liked that tone. That tone meant he was back a bit further from the explosion line, at least. He wasn't going to say he was safe, but he was at least in less danger than before. Hopefully. ]
You know, I'm not sure I really know what you like to drink aside from wine. The last time we really drank together I got, well, to drunk to really remember what you had.
[ The hotel room. Propositioning Fenris. The beginning of it all, really. ]
no subject
Wine. Preferably red.
no subject
[ Yes, good! Now he just had to keep it up. Which was always a lot harder than he thought when it came to Fenris. Things he didn't think would set the other off did, for reasons he couldn't quite understand, but that all came from getting to know someone he supposed. ]
A part of me had you pegged for a sherry sort of guy.
no subject
Oh, Maker, no. Always wine.
no subject
Dually noted.
[ He gave him a smile then, glad that they were less tense for the moment. He wasn't sure how drinking would help that, but hoped it would be positive if they simply kept the conversation off subjects that would trigger Fenris' 'pissed off' response. Thankfully, it didn't take long for them to reach the Iskaulit and go to Nami's bar. Kirk let Fenris pick where to sit as he got the wine and brought him a glass, sitting across from the elf. ]
Have you ever tried anything other than wine?
no subject
I have. The South has a fondness for ale- I have never had much of a taste for it. I much prefer wine.
[He knows a big part of it is spite- having something he once was expected to pour for his betters. Something denied a slave. ]
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[ He sipped his own drink, watching his lover, so many questions still bubbling inside of him and not sure if he should ask them or how to ask them without making Fenris snap. He felt he was on a tightrope still, not yet safely to the other side. ]
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[Because, as always, Fenris found something that worked and saw no need to stretch beyond that. Ever the creature of habit, clinging to what he knows he has tightly, lest he lose it. ]
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[ Not tonight though. He had a feeling he had pressed far enough with Fenris' patience in many regards, and he didn't want to erode what good will he currently had with him. ]
Have you had dinner yet?
no subject
I haven't. I wouldn't say no to some.
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