Of course he had pushed himself. Because he was the Captain. He had to push through shit all the time, be the strong one, not show how it affected him. He was used to pushing it all down, locking it away, waiting until it was dark and the eyes weren't watching the set of his shoulders and the slope of his back. He hadn't wanted to disappoint James.

He nodded against his chest, taking several slow breaths, getting his pounding heart under control. "I know that. I know that. It's why I was trying. Because I thought that knowing you would never hurt me would outweigh those memories..."